Today marks 7 months since my long-term relationship ended in November 2025. It was quite literally the hardest moment of my life recently. For the first time in 15 years, I had to live my life as a single girl. The last time I would consider myself single, I was still in high school, which is an entirely different experience. Suddenly, I found myself on uncharted territory, I was completely out of my depth. To say it was an adjustment is, I would say, an understatement. I had a hard time navigating through the jungle of modern dating—and that’s on top of the heartbreak that I was fighting tooth and nail to heal. It wasn’t until a month later that I was finally ready to dive into the dating world. All of a sudden, it’s 6 months later and I’ve got so much to reflect on and a lot of story to tell. Buckle up.
Today marks 7 months since my long-term relationship ended in November 2025. It was quite literally the hardest moment of my life recently. For the first time in 15 years, I had to live my life as a single girl. The last time I would consider myself single, I was still in high school, which is an entirely different experience. Suddenly, I found myself on uncharted territory, I was completely out of my depth. To say it was an adjustment is, I would say, an understatement. I had a hard time navigating through the jungle of modern dating—and that’s on top of the heartbreak that I was fighting tooth and nail to heal. It wasn’t until a month later that I was finally ready to dive into the dating world. All of a sudden, it’s 6 months later and I’ve got so much to reflect on and a lot of story to tell. Buckle up.
My Dating Life in Numbers
For the first time in my life, I installed a dating app. And no, I won’t tell you which one it is—but if you know me IRL, you probably already know. I’d never thought I would find myself in this position, but here I am. At first, I plunged into it headfirst—but it turns out I wasn’t ready, so I uninstalled the app and re-installed it a month later. You could say I started actively dating in January. This experience has become like rejection therapy for me. With all the ghostings and cut-offs, slowly I learn to train myself not to take such rejections personally. Honestly, a lot of it has more to do with the guy than with me. But it also taught me to look myself in the eye and face my own issues.
For the first time in my life, I installed a dating app. And no, I won’t tell you which one it is—but if you know me IRL, you probably already know. I’d never thought I would find myself in this position, but here I am. At first, I plunged into it headfirst—but it turns out I wasn’t ready, so I uninstalled the app and re-installed it a month later. You could say I started actively dating in January. This experience has become like rejection therapy for me. With all the ghostings and cut-offs, slowly I learn to train myself not to take such rejections personally. Honestly, a lot of it has more to do with the guy than with me. But it also taught me to look myself in the eye and face my own issues.
74
matches on dating app
that I actually talked to
5
guys I got to know
through Threads
18
moved beyond the app
74
matches on dating app
that I actually talked to
5
guys I got to know
through Threads
18
moved beyond the app
9
remain on good terms
7
first dates
3
good first dates
9
remain on good terms
7
first dates
3
good first dates
Additionally,
13 new platonic friends from Threads
Additionally,
13 new platonic friends from Threads
If you ask me, dating apps are a way to optimise dating, but at the cost of actual, human-centred connection. That’s when I discovered Threads in a whole new light. This seemingly new social media—please don’t ever change—offers a space where people with real desire to connect find each other. Sure, there are a lot of disingenuous individuals who feign vulnerability for the lols, but if you look past those ones, you’ll find people who are actually serious about what they put out. Not all of them translates into anything romantic, mind you, but they fulfill my interpersonal cup all the same.
If you ask me, dating apps are a way to optimise dating, but at the cost of actual, human-centred connection. That’s when I discovered Threads in a whole new light. This seemingly new social media—please don’t ever change—offers a space where people with real desire to connect find each other. Sure, there are a lot of disingenuous individuals who feign vulnerability for the lols, but if you look past those ones, you’ll find people who are actually serious about what they put out. Not all of them translates into anything romantic, mind you, but they fulfill my interpersonal cup all the same.
Highlights of My Dating Life
Some of the most memorable stories that I met along the way
1. The Pseudo-Japanese
I first met this guy on the dating app. He’s Indonesian, but he wrote a sentence in Japanese on his profile. I got intrigued and sent him a text in Japanese once we matched. We ended up spending almost an entire week chatting with each other fully in Japanese. It was loads of fun! In hindsight, we didn’t end up learning anything about each other, but the chat being fully Japanese was enough to make me happy. In the end, he ghosted me after I started mentioning a desire to meet up once he was back in Jakarta. Oh well, at least it was fun while it lasted and left an impression on me.
1. The Pseudo-Japanese
I first met this guy on the dating app. He’s Indonesian, but he wrote a sentence in Japanese on his profile. I got intrigued and sent him a text in Japanese once we matched. We ended up spending almost an entire week chatting with each other fully in Japanese. It was loads of fun! In hindsight, we didn’t end up learning anything about each other, but the chat being fully Japanese was enough to make me happy. In the end, he ghosted me after I started mentioning a desire to meet up once he was back in Jakarta. Oh well, at least it was fun while it lasted and left an impression on me.
2. Music Exchange Program
There was this guy that I matched with twice. When we matched the first time, our conversation was brief (less than a week, as I remember it) but was pretty fun. Mostly, we spoke of music and ended up exchanging artist recommendations. He introduced me to the modern jazz band Snarky Puppy, and I brought Bleachers to his attention. Not long after, he deleted his account…but then one day (still with the same photo), we matched again. We talked for a little bit, but then he went away again. Oh man, wish we could’ve been friends, at least.
2. Music Exchange Program
There was this guy that I matched with twice. When we matched the first time, our conversation was brief (less than a week, as I remember it) but was pretty fun. Mostly, we spoke of music and ended up exchanging artist recommendations. He introduced me to the modern jazz band Snarky Puppy, and I brought Bleachers to his attention. Not long after, he deleted his account…but then one day (still with the same photo), we matched again. We talked for a little bit, but then he went away again. Oh man, wish we could’ve been friends, at least.
3. Shouldn’t Have Jumped the Gun
One of the things I got to experience now that I’m single in my adulthood is the “sliding into the DM” phenomenon, which I had never had before. A few guys have popped up in my inbox without invite this way. Well, this one guy truly stood out. He saw me on the dating app, but instead of waiting for us to match, he decided to track me down on Instagram and not-so-casually slide into my DM. He told me everything I just told you and was hoping to get to know me anyway, without the dating app becoming the middle man.
Eventually, we decided to meet up. His (supposedly) bold move online, unfortunately, didn’t translate to IRL at all. We had a whole day (and probably even the next day) planned, but after only an hour or so of spending time with him, I couldn’t stand the discomfort. I told him over lunch that I was going to cut the date short. Regardless, we left things on good terms, I would say, and he ended up commissioning an illustration from me for his pottery studio’s merch. Can’t wait to see how the merch turns out!
3. Shouldn’t Have Jumped the Gun
One of the things I got to experience now that I’m single in my adulthood is the “sliding into the DM” phenomenon, which I had never had before. A few guys have popped up in my inbox without invite this way. Well, this one guy truly stood out. He saw me on the dating app, but instead of waiting for us to match, he decided to track me down on Instagram and not-so-casually slide into my DM. He told me everything I just told you and was hoping to get to know me anyway, without the dating app becoming the middle man.
Eventually, we decided to meet up. His (supposedly) bold move online, unfortunately, didn’t translate to IRL at all. We had a whole day (and probably even the next day) planned, but after only an hour or so of spending time with him, I couldn’t stand the discomfort. I told him over lunch that I was going to cut the date short. Regardless, we left things on good terms, I would say, and he ended up commissioning an illustration from me for his pottery studio’s merch. Can’t wait to see how the merch turns out!
4. Long Lost Friend
Sometimes dating apps are good not only to find your future partner—even this one I still have yet to experience—but also to reunite with people you may have lost contact with for some time. One of my most surprising interactions during this dating phase of my life is when I ‘bumped’ into a friend from primary school on a dating app—someone I hadn’t seen in over 20 years! We used to ride on the same school bus then. It was fun catching up after 2 decades, and it turns out, he has since become a storyboard artist and animator—which is super cool. We’ve been connected on Instagram ever since.
4. Long Lost Friend
Sometimes dating apps are good not only to find your future partner—even this one I still have yet to experience—but also to reunite with people you may have lost contact with for some time. One of my most surprising interactions during this dating phase of my life is when I ‘bumped’ into a friend from primary school on a dating app—someone I hadn’t seen in over 20 years! We used to ride on the same school bus then. It was fun catching up after 2 decades, and it turns out, he has since become a storyboard artist and animator—which is super cool. We’ve been connected on Instagram ever since.
5. The Biggest Green Flag
Honestly, the best highlight would have to be this green flag of a guy. It’s the kind of connection that prompted my boss to ask about my dating life in a meeting, so… 👀 I will not be elaborating. All I’ll say is…we’ve remained on good terms to this day.
5. The Biggest Green Flag
Honestly, the best highlight would have to be this green flag of a guy. It’s the kind of connection that prompted my boss to ask about my dating life in a meeting, so… 👀 I will not be elaborating. All I’ll say is…we’ve remained on good terms to this day.
What Dating Has Taught Me
When I started actively dating, I thought I would learn a lot about other people, since I would be meeting all sorts of them. I didn’t expect to learn so much about myself instead. Somewhere along the way of my journey to healing I saw someone say, “You can’t heal in isolation, growth requires real connection.” It’s only when we put ourselves against other people can we truly see parts of ourselves that are still bleeding and why.
All the rejection forced me to really address what was really going on with myself. Looking back, I can see my own growth. From the girl who was so afraid of not being loveable, a girl who was so scared of being abandoned, a girl who was only too eager to please…to someone who can see her worth and what she deserves, someone who knows she doesn’t have to put up with breadcrumbs, someone who can tell the difference between potential and reality. And here are the key takeouts I learnt from dating.
When I started actively dating, I thought I would learn a lot about other people, since I would be meeting all sorts of them. I didn’t expect to learn so much about myself instead. Somewhere along the way of my journey to healing I saw someone say, “You can’t heal in isolation, growth requires real connection.” It’s only when we put ourselves against other people can we truly see parts of ourselves that are still bleeding and why.
All the rejection forced me to really address what was really going on with myself. Looking back, I can see my own growth. From the girl who was so afraid of not being loveable, a girl who was so scared of being abandoned, a girl who was only too eager to please…to someone who can see her worth and what she deserves, someone who knows she doesn’t have to put up with breadcrumbs, someone who can tell the difference between potential and reality. And here are the key takeouts I learnt from dating.
Who I'm Attracted to Is Directly Related to How I See Myself
All my life I’ve been attracted exclusively to avoidant guys. These are guys who cannot understand and express how they feel, which may come across brooding and cool. But they also tend to be scared of emotions in general and commitment of any kind. I would often be patient with them, wait for them to change their mind, to love me back. In reality, though, I think I believed myself to be deserving of this breadcrumb type of love, that I thought I couldn’t find anyone better or demand more. But the more I love myself, the easier it is for me to spot the telltale signs and refuse to settle for less.
Never Shop When You're Hungry, It Won't Fulfill You
As someone who deals with anxious attachment style, I understand the scarcity mindset so well. When I first started actively dating, fresh out of a failed relationship, I was ready to accept any kind of person, just so I would feel loved and valued. What happened instead was me getting attached way too quickly and driving these avoidant guys away, only to be attracted to the next avoidant guy. Every rejection spent me spiralling, even though I didn’t really like them to begin with. It was only when I learnt to self-soothe and fulfill my own emotional needs was I able to say no to breadcrumbs.
Romantic Love Isn't the Grand Prize, But Real Connection Is
When you’re single and you see your friends or people on the internet going on dates, starting relationships or getting married, I know it can often make you wonder, “When is it my turn?” But this thinking disregards the partner altogether. Our future partner is a human being, with complex personalities, emotions, and needs—wouldn’t you be more excited to get to know them? This past 6 months I have met a lot of people, none of them ended up being my partner (yet), but the connections that we nurtured have been so valuable to me, regardless of its nature. At the end of the day, that’s what’s truly rare.
Who I'm Attracted to Is Directly Related to How I See Myself
All my life I’ve been attracted exclusively to avoidant guys. These are guys who cannot understand and express how they feel, which may come across brooding and cool. But they also tend to be scared of emotions in general and commitment of any kind. I would often be patient with them, wait for them to change their mind, to love me back. In reality, though, I think I believed myself to be deserving of this breadcrumb type of love, that I thought I couldn’t find anyone better or demand more. But the more I love myself, the easier it is for me to spot the telltale signs and refuse to settle for less.
Never Shop When You're Hungry, It Won't Fulfill You
As someone who deals with anxious attachment style, I understand the scarcity mindset so well. When I first started actively dating, fresh out of a failed relationship, I was ready to accept any kind of person, just so I would feel loved and valued. What happened instead was me getting attached way too quickly and driving these avoidant guys away, only to be attracted to the next avoidant guy. Every rejection spent me spiralling, even though I didn’t really like them to begin with. It was only when I learnt to self-soothe and fulfill my own emotional needs was I able to say no to breadcrumbs.
Romantic Love Isn't the Grand Prize, But Real Connection Is
When you’re single and you see your friends or people on the internet going on dates, starting relationships or getting married, I know it can often make you wonder, “When is it my turn?” But this thinking disregards the partner altogether. Our future partner is a human being, with complex personalities, emotions, and needs—wouldn’t you be more excited to get to know them? This past 6 months I have met a lot of people, none of them ended up being my partner (yet), but the connections that we nurtured have been so valuable to me, regardless of its nature. At the end of the day, that’s what’s truly rare.
These days I really enjoy being single, having no one to answer to
or consider in my decision-making has been really liberating.
I would only let go of this phase of my life for someone who’s truly worthy.
These days I really enjoy being single, having no one to answer to or consider in my decision-making has been really liberating. I would only let go of this phase of my life for someone who’s truly worthy.