Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of people talk about impostor syndrome—like Anna Akana, Wong Fu and Ali Abdal—and I can’t deny that I’ve been through it too. I thought I’d talk about it here, as I’m sure we’ve all been there. First of all, if you didn’t know, impostor—or imposter—syndrome is, basically, the belief that you have in your mind that you are not good enough, whatever that may mean to you.
In other words, it makes you feel like a fraud, because you think everyone else thinks you are better than you really are. Here’s a little bit of fact for you: more often than not, it’s not true. This feeling can be very alienating and make us develop self-doubt, but the truth is most people go through the same things—if not at the same time, probably at some point in their lives. And this is my story with impostor syndrome.
It All Started with a Hammer
For as long as I’ve lived, I’ve been told that I am good at one thing—drawing. Since I loved to draw so much and did it incessantly, it became something that I’m known for. So imagine my shock when, it turns out, that I wasn’t good enough at it to get into art school—you might have heard of it, this failure was well-documented here and here. Thus began my impostor syndrome. I guess you could argue that it’s been with me the whole time and this big rejection was like a hammer that confirmed it for me, but ever since then I can never see my abilities the same way anymore—I used to feel like I was special, but now I feel a lot less than others.
Let me tell ya: there is nothing like having the belief you hold since childhood shattered time and time again in adulthood. It wasn’t pretty. Needless to say, it sent me to a downward spiral of self-doubt and hopelessness. For at least a year, I couldn’t bring myself to be proud of my work—in fact, I stopped creating for a while.
Finding Affirmations
When I finally got a professional opportunity, I was so thrilled. My childhood neighbour founded a small establishment and they wanted me to create regular illustrations for their social media. However, they reasoned that they didn’t have the budget to pay for my services as much as they should, so they paid half in exposure. Feeling my skills weren’t worth much—despite the time and energy I put into making everything from scratch—I couldn’t even begin to negotiate for the fee. And it wasn’t only with this one client, but I ended up undercharging for all my services for years—including sponsorships for this blog.
I was also constantly grappling with the feeling that I was missing out on opportunities and wasn’t doing enough to succeed, so I used pretty much all my waking hours creating something—whether or not they result directly into money. Overworking coupled with the feeling of being underpaid led me to be pretty unhappy with my life—I was constantly stressed out, though I didn’t realise it then.
All this while, I was also pursuing my education and, before long, it was finally time for me to do one year of mandatory internship. This is how I got introduced to the world of digital marketing—and here’s the real kicker—it turns out I’m pretty good at it! It was the first time ever in my entire life that I felt like I was entirely capable at doing something worthwhile.
I was only an intern then, but my teammate—and later on business partner—was really impressed by my skills and encouraged me to pursue a full-time position at the same office. Of course, my impostor syndrome wouldn’t let me believe such a positive opinion so quickly, so I asked around for second opinions and, finally, for guidance on how to bring it up to my supervisor. I remember feeling so afraid that everyone would think I was kidding myself, but everyone agreed that I should try for full-time. And—you know what?—long story short, I finally started my career here.
Here’s the weird thing: it wasn’t what I expected. I always imagined myself to have a career in arts and design—preferably illustrations—but I never even considered that I might be a good copywriter.
Big Pond, Small Fish
With this newfound confidence, I decided to really pursue copywriting as a career, and moved to a new office—with which came the biggest impostor syndrome moment in my life. Quickly, I saw exactly what it feels like to be a big fish in a small pond one minute and a tiny fish in a gigantic pond the next.
Let me tell you, the first few months of working at this office was like pure hell to me—everyday I felt inadequate to do the job I was hired to do. I had no experience in the industry, never heard of most of the terms being thrown around the office and my work always seemed not good enough. It was one unsatisfactory result after another, followed by a series of relentless revisions. There were numerous times when I felt like giving up, because clearly they overestimated my abilities. Maybe, it turns out, I can’t do this after all, maybe they made a mistake hiring me, I thought.
Until I slowly started to learn how to do what I was supposed to and stopped sucking.
If before I couldn’t even come up with a good line for a presentation, now I can even string enough poetic words for a manifesto—or two! Before, I would get my copy revised without my knowledge and be left in the dark about how any projects go. Now, people would come to me to ‘work my magic’—their words, not mine—on any word-related tasks and ask me to teach them how to present.
I mean, it’s really no big deal, I’ve got a lot to learn and a long way to go still, but my confidence is rising and my self-doubt is diminishing. Imagine that, less than a year at this place and I’m making so much progress already. Yes, I still often get revisions and/or feel like giving up, but now less miserably and frequently. Now I know that every hurdle is just waiting to be overcome and every bad day will eventually be over.
Coming to Terms
Personally, I believe that handling your impostor syndrome isn’t about making it go away—since it may never leave us—but by making peace with it. We can start by identifying our syndrome. Saying that it is the product of a capitalist world or toxic environment is oversimplifying it—it’s definitely more deeply rooted than that.
First of all, acknowledge which type of imposter syndrome you are. There are five types: the perfectionist, the superhero, the expert, the natural genius and the soloist—read here for more details. There’s a good chance you’ll relate with more than just one, perhaps all five in varying degrees. This is something I just found out recently too, through the aforementioned YouTubers, but I could already see myself in some of them.
Predominantly, I think I am a soloist, superhero and expert. This explains why it is so hard for me to ask for help, yet always ready to dole out a helping hand—which, mind you, goes both for my personal and professional life. I would sooner drown in to-dos and deadlines than reach out to others for assistance. My boss would constantly remind me to delegate or divide my load with my teammates before I finally do.
I also would spend every waking minute trying to create something worthwhile—be it copywriting, the blog, illustrations, reviews, recipes, anything—just to assure myself that I am valuable. It would upset me when I’m feeling unproductive, because I would feel the time wasted—and also why I often despise my feelings, but that is another matter altogether.
Lastly, I go through sources of knowledge like nobody’s business. Every single day is a chance to learn something new—a language, a craft, a field of work, a culture, a history. You can probably witness this best from my birthday lists.
Secondly, try to zone in on what actually triggers and/or ignites the impostor syndrome in you. What makes you think you feel inadequate? What was your relationship like with your achievements when you were much, much younger? Were achievements directly linked to you receiving love from your caregivers or the people around you? I know, these are hard questions to ask, but the answers can reveal so much more to you than you might have realised.
It will not make you see the short-term problems—a toxic office environment, a demanding boss, a fast-paced industry—but also inherently find a way to truly heal from past traumas. You don’t have to do it right now or all at once, but just try considering it every now and then.
Lastly, accept that your impostor syndrome will come up every now and then. Of course, technically, your syndrome will show itself in your personality and the way you tackle things—as per the types mentioned above—but we probably will never get rid of that feeling of needing to prove our worth. It’s not necessarily a bad thing.
Yes, this syndrome can be such a handful, but it ultimately drives us to better ourselves constantly. And, just remember, that even if you’re feeling very low, stupid and inadequate today, you will get through it tomorrow—or a few days after that—an improved version of yourself.
What’s your experience with impostor syndrome? Do tell!
Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of people talk about impostor syndrome—like Anna Akana, Wong Fu and Ali Abdal—and I can’t deny that I’ve been through it too. I thought I’d talk about it here, as I’m sure we’ve all been there. First of all, if you didn’t know, impostor—or imposter—syndrome is, basically, the belief that you have in your mind that you are not good enough, whatever that may mean to you.
In other words, it makes you feel like a fraud, because you think everyone else thinks you are better than you really are. Here’s a little bit of fact for you: more often than not, it’s not true. This feeling can be very alienating and make us develop self-doubt, but the truth is most people go through the same things—if not at the same time, probably at some point in their lives. And this is my story with impostor syndrome.
It All Started with a Hammer
For as long as I’ve lived, I’ve been told that I am good at one thing—drawing. Since I loved to draw so much and did it incessantly, it became something that I’m known for. So imagine my shock when, it turns out, that I wasn’t good enough at it to get into art school—you might have heard of it, this failure was well-documented here and here. Thus began my impostor syndrome. I guess you could argue that it’s been with me the whole time and this big rejection was like a hammer that confirmed it for me, but ever since then I can never see my abilities the same way anymore—I used to feel like I was special, but now I feel a lot less than others.
Let me tell ya: there is nothing like having the belief you hold since childhood shattered time and time again in adulthood. It wasn’t pretty. Needless to say, it sent me to a downward spiral of self-doubt and hopelessness. For at least a year, I couldn’t bring myself to be proud of my work—in fact, I stopped creating for a while.
Finding Affirmations
When I finally got a professional opportunity, I was so thrilled. My childhood neighbour founded a small establishment and they wanted me to create regular illustrations for their social media. However, they reasoned that they didn’t have the budget to pay for my services as much as they should, so they paid half in exposure. Feeling my skills weren’t worth much—despite the time and energy I put into making everything from scratch—I couldn’t even begin to negotiate for the fee. And it wasn’t only with this one client, but I ended up undercharging for all my services for years—including sponsorships for this blog.
I was also constantly grappling with the feeling that I was missing out on opportunities and wasn’t doing enough to succeed, so I used pretty much all my waking hours creating something—whether or not they result directly into money. Overworking coupled with the feeling of being underpaid led me to be pretty unhappy with my life—I was constantly stressed out, though I didn’t realise it then.
All this while, I was also pursuing my education and, before long, it was finally time for me to do one year of mandatory internship. This is how I got introduced to the world of digital marketing—and here’s the real kicker—it turns out I’m pretty good at it! It was the first time ever in my entire life that I felt like I was entirely capable at doing something worthwhile.
I was only an intern then, but my teammate—and later on business partner—was really impressed by my skills and encouraged me to pursue a full-time position at the same office. Of course, my impostor syndrome wouldn’t let me believe such a positive opinion so quickly, so I asked around for second opinions and, finally, for guidance on how to bring it up to my supervisor. I remember feeling so afraid that everyone would think I was kidding myself, but everyone agreed that I should try for full-time. And—you know what?—long story short, I finally started my career here.
Here’s the weird thing: it wasn’t what I expected. I always imagined myself to have a career in arts and design—preferably illustrations—but I never even considered that I might be a good copywriter.
Big Pond, Small Fish
With this newfound confidence, I decided to really pursue copywriting as a career, and moved to a new office—with which came the biggest impostor syndrome moment in my life. Quickly, I saw exactly what it feels like to be a big fish in a small pond one minute and a tiny fish in a gigantic pond the next.
Let me tell you, the first few months of working at this office was like pure hell to me—everyday I felt inadequate to do the job I was hired to do. I had no experience in the industry, never heard of most of the terms being thrown around the office and my work always seemed not good enough. It was one unsatisfactory result after another, followed by a series of relentless revisions. There were numerous times when I felt like giving up, because clearly they overestimated my abilities. Maybe, it turns out, I can’t do this after all, maybe they made a mistake hiring me, I thought.
Until I slowly started to learn how to do what I was supposed to and stopped sucking.
If before I couldn’t even come up with a good line for a presentation, now I can even string enough poetic words for a manifesto—or two! Before, I would get my copy revised without my knowledge and be left in the dark about how any projects go. Now, people would come to me to ‘work my magic’—their words, not mine—on any word-related tasks and ask me to teach them how to present.
I mean, it’s really no big deal, I’ve got a lot to learn and a long way to go still, but my confidence is rising and my self-doubt is diminishing. Imagine that, less than a year at this place and I’m making so much progress already. Yes, I still often get revisions and/or feel like giving up, but now less miserably and frequently. Now I know that every hurdle is just waiting to be overcome and every bad day will eventually be over.
Coming to Terms
Personally, I believe that handling your impostor syndrome isn’t about making it go away—since it may never leave us—but by making peace with it. We can start by identifying our syndrome. Saying that it is the product of a capitalist world or toxic environment is oversimplifying it—it’s definitely more deeply rooted than that.
First of all, acknowledge which type of imposter syndrome you are. There are five types: the perfectionist, the superhero, the expert, the natural genius and the soloist—read here for more details. There’s a good chance you’ll relate with more than just one, perhaps all five in varying degrees. This is something I just found out recently too, through the aforementioned YouTubers, but I could already see myself in some of them.
Predominantly, I think I am a soloist, superhero and expert. This explains why it is so hard for me to ask for help, yet always ready to dole out a helping hand—which, mind you, goes both for my personal and professional life. I would sooner drown in to-dos and deadlines than reach out to others for assistance. My boss would constantly remind me to delegate or divide my load with my teammates before I finally do.
I also would spend every waking minute trying to create something worthwhile—be it copywriting, the blog, illustrations, reviews, recipes, anything—just to assure myself that I am valuable. It would upset me when I’m feeling unproductive, because I would feel the time wasted—and also why I often despise my feelings, but that is another matter altogether.
Lastly, I go through sources of knowledge like nobody’s business. Every single day is a chance to learn something new—a language, a craft, a field of work, a culture, a history. You can probably witness this best from my birthday lists.
Secondly, try to zone in on what actually triggers and/or ignites the impostor syndrome in you. What makes you think you feel inadequate? What was your relationship like with your achievements when you were much, much younger? Were achievements directly linked to you receiving love from your caregivers or the people around you? I know, these are hard questions to ask, but the answers can reveal so much more to you than you might have realised.
It will not make you see the short-term problems—a toxic office environment, a demanding boss, a fast-paced industry—but also inherently find a way to truly heal from past traumas. You don’t have to do it right now or all at once, but just try considering it every now and then.
Lastly, accept that your impostor syndrome will come up every now and then. Of course, technically, your syndrome will show itself in your personality and the way you tackle things—as per the types mentioned above—but we probably will never get rid of that feeling of needing to prove our worth. It’s not necessarily a bad thing.
Yes, this syndrome can be such a handful, but it ultimately drives us to better ourselves constantly. And, just remember, that even if you’re feeling very low, stupid and inadequate today, you will get through it tomorrow—or a few days after that—an improved version of yourself.
What’s your experience with impostor syndrome? Do tell!