Dear Best Friend,
Dear Best Friend,
Today was supposed to be the day we celebrate yet another milestone in our relationship. But instead, here we are: separate and strangers again. I can’t believe I’ve been living my life without you for a month. I think I speak for the both of us when I say it has been an excruciatingly painful transition—even if you do already have someone else who would hold your hand in my place. Funny, two months ago I wouldn’t have foreseen where we are now. Life feels so unreal right now, like I’m living a dream. You, someone I’ve known, loved and relied on for a fifth of my life is no longer here with me, but somehow all these other strangers have shown me more love and support than you have in the past month. But I still have a lot to say to you, so let me pour it all into this letter. If you’re truly my friend, I hope you’ll read it.
Today was supposed to be the day we celebrate yet another milestone in our relationship. But instead, here we are: separate and strangers again. I can’t believe I’ve been living my life without you for a month. I think I speak for the both of us when I say it has been an excruciatingly painful transition—even if you do already have someone else who would hold your hand in my place. Funny, two months ago I wouldn’t have foreseen where we are now. Life feels so unreal right now, like I’m living a dream. You, someone I’ve known, loved and relied on for a fifth of my life is no longer here with me, but somehow all these other strangers have shown me more love and support than you have in the past month. But I still have a lot to say to you, so let me pour it all into this letter. If you’re truly my friend, I hope you’ll read it.
Best Friends, Ex-Friends Til the End
We started out first as best friends. I’ve always said I know you very, very well, because I saw you first in your unapologetic state, with no agenda to impress me. Back when we hid nothing from each other, back when we had nothing to lose by being honest. I’ve seen your red flags and glaring flaws, long before anything happened between us. I chalked you up as one of my friends with a lot of personal issues, believing nothing you could do would surprise me. And then you fell in love with me and that caught me off guard.
We had a no-holds-barred approach to the way we communicated. I would tell you exactly what was on my mind, and you would share secrets with me you’d never told anyone before. For a second, we both thought we wouldn’t be able to date each other, it was too unthinkable somehow. You had a lot of reservations about me. According to rules you made up for yourself, I was off limits. And my heart still belonged to someone else back then. Everyone else could see our undeniable chemistry and companionship, yet we refused to open our eyes until our feelings forced us to look.
We started out first as best friends. I’ve always said I know you very, very well, because I saw you first in your unapologetic state, with no agenda to impress me. Back when we hid nothing from each other, back when we had nothing to lose by being honest. I’ve seen your red flags and glaring flaws, long before anything happened between us. I chalked you up as one of my friends with a lot of personal issues, believing nothing you could do would surprise me. And then you fell in love with me and that caught me off guard.
We had a no-holds-barred approach to the way we communicated. I would tell you exactly what was on my mind, and you would share secrets with me you’d never told anyone before. For a second, we both thought we wouldn’t be able to date each other, it was too unthinkable somehow. You had a lot of reservations about me. According to rules you made up for yourself, I was off limits. And my heart still belonged to someone else back then. Everyone else could see our undeniable chemistry and companionship, yet we refused to open our eyes until our feelings forced us to look.
I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this before, but I’ve always admired you from the start. At this point in my life, I had seen guys refuse to acknowledge their feelings once they know it’s not reciprocated. But you have always loved deeply and without reservations. I’ve seen you love your ex so much, you’d cry in her stead. I’ve seen you declare your feelings for me, even when you knew you didn’t stand a chance. You would say it boldly, as if you have no regrets about it. As if you are unashamed of it. And neither should you be. It was a quality most people don’t have these days, too afraid to get hurt and too proud to fail. To me, this is the biggest green flag of all…and I hope it never changes, whoever you choose to love after me.
You once told me that you wished for someone to love, so that you wouldn’t feel so dead inside anymore. At that very moment, it was my deepest wish to be the one you’d love, so I could fill that void in your heart. Your willingness to love has always made loving you feel so easy. Yes, we are two very different people. And that makes communication sometimes challenging, but loving you has never been hard. Loving you was like breathing, I didn’t even have to think about it. If I showed you how I felt, you would show up the same way. And it was everything I could ask for. Being loved by you was also easy, it felt like magic. It was the kind of love I never thought I would find in this lifetime. Who knows if I would ever again.
For six years, I have gotten used to a life where all I needed to do was hold out my hand and I knew you would grab it. For six years, I have learnt the telltale signs of your irritation and anxiety. For six years, we have learnt to argue and reconcile, to communicate how we felt even when we were less than happy with each other. For six years, I have enjoyed spending time anywhere with you, just talking for hours about things as minuscule as fonts and the stray cat on the street, to something as huge as our dreams and families and everything in between. For six years, I have loved you the best I could and you have done likewise.
Being with you has healed parts of me I didn’t even know were broken. You showed me love that asked for nothing in return. You made me feel the kind of love that didn’t need to be earned. I could simply be myself and you would love me, just as I would love you exactly as you are. Then I met your family and they welcomed me the same way. Without hesitation, without judgment. All of a sudden it made a lot of sense to me why you are the way you are. All of a sudden I understood why you always have a lot of love to give. I would do anything to be a part of your family. And I almost did too.
For six years, I have gotten used to a life where all I needed to do was hold out my hand and I knew you would grab it. For six years, I have learnt the telltale signs of your irritation and anxiety. For six years, we have learnt to argue and reconcile, to communicate how we felt even when we were less than happy with each other. For six years, I have enjoyed spending time anywhere with you, just talking for hours about things as minuscule as fonts and the stray cat on the street, to something as huge as our dreams and families and everything in between. For six years, I have loved you the best I could and you have done likewise.
Being with you has healed parts of me I didn’t even know were broken. You showed me love that asked for nothing in return. You made me feel the kind of love that didn’t need to be earned. I could simply be myself and you would love me, just as I would love you exactly as you are. Then I met your family and they welcomed me the same way. Without hesitation, without judgment. All of a sudden it made a lot of sense to me why you are the way you are. All of a sudden I understood why you always have a lot of love to give. I would do anything to be a part of your family. And I almost did too.
Let Go of This Endless Summer Afternoon
Not going to lie, your decision to end what we had shocked me. But you also opened up my eyes to a truth I didn’t realise about myself. I remember, in the moment, I felt like it was the world’s best breakup—I think I told you as much. How is it that until the end you still knew me very well and treated me with such kindness? Even as you laid out shrapnels of my life and psyche on the table, you did it so gently that I instantly understood what you meant and that you meant well. Just like the first time, you allowed me a little more time with you as friends.
This is where it all started to become confusing, though. For a while, we kept in contact and even met up with each other. For a while, nothing much seemed to change…except you’d found someone new. Someone to replace me with, so quickly. And I was thrown around in centrifugal motion, like I was in a perpetual car crash over and over again. How could it be that nothing has changed when everything has changed? How is it possible that we could still talk and joke like before when you’re no longer mine? I think you felt it as much as I did, which is why you drew your boundaries tighter.
Not going to lie, your decision to end what we had shocked me. But you also opened up my eyes to a truth I didn’t realise about myself. I remember, in the moment, I felt like it was the world’s best breakup—I think I told you as much. How is it that until the end you still knew me very well and treated me with such kindness? Even as you laid out shrapnels of my life and psyche on the table, you did it so gently that I instantly understood what you meant and that you meant well. Just like the first time, you allowed me a little more time with you as friends.
This is where it all started to become confusing, though. For a while, we kept in contact and even met up with each other. For a while, nothing much seemed to change…except you’d found someone new. Someone to replace me with, so quickly. And I was thrown around in centrifugal motion, like I was in a perpetual car crash over and over again. How could it be that nothing has changed when everything has changed? How is it possible that we could still talk and joke like before when you’re no longer mine? I think you felt it as much as I did, which is why you drew your boundaries tighter.
The last time we saw each other, you approached me gingerly. As if you were afraid I would bite…or were you afraid I would shatter into a million pieces? You asked me how I was doing, you said I looked okay. But I think you know that I’m not, otherwise you wouldn’t keep staring at me, analysing my face for signs of destruction. And no, I’m not okay. For a long time (and perhaps longer time still), I still couldn’t fathom how we were happy and in love one minute, and then you wanted to get away from me the next. It was like an earthquake had swallowed me whole and I woke up in hell—cursed to relive our good old days over and over again as you walk away. And to know that you had moved on so quickly, like the last six years never mattered. It was more than I could take.
A lot of people have wanted me to hate you. They believed what you did was unforgivable. But I choose to believe in one thing: What we had was real. The love was real. The friendship was real. The happiness and everything, it was all real. It didn’t have to last forever to be real. No matter what happened leading up to and after we broke up, you were exactly what I needed when we were together. And I hope I had made as much a positive impact on your life too. I hope there are things that you see that remind you of me. I hope that when you hear certain words, you’d think of me. I hope that when you communicate how you feel, you will remember I was the one who taught you that.
Perhaps now you are either unable or unwilling to give me what I want, but for a while, you gave me everything that I’ve always wanted. You showed me a kind of love that I’d never known before. You were a true friend and a truly amazing partner. I’ve always and still do believe you are a good person. The coolest person I know. The kindest person I know. And I hope you’ll keep loving me, if perhaps not in the same way.
Til we meet again.
Your dearest friend,
The last time we saw each other, you approached me gingerly. As if you were afraid I would bite…or were you afraid I would shatter into a million pieces? You asked me how I was doing, you said I looked okay. But I think you know that I’m not, otherwise you wouldn’t keep staring at me, analysing my face for signs of destruction. And no, I’m not okay. For a long time (and perhaps longer time still), I still couldn’t fathom how we were happy and in love one minute, and then you wanted to get away from me the next. It was like an earthquake had swallowed me whole and I woke up in hell—cursed to relive our good old days over and over again as you walk away. And to know that you had moved on so quickly, like the last six years never mattered. It was more than I could take.
A lot of people have wanted me to hate you. They believed what you did was unforgivable. But I choose to believe in one thing: What we had was real. The love was real. The friendship was real. The happiness and everything, it was all real. It didn’t have to last forever to be real. No matter what happened leading up to and after we broke up, you were exactly what I needed when we were together. And I hope I had made as much a positive impact on your life too. I hope there are things that you see that remind you of me. I hope that when you hear certain words, you’d think of me. I hope that when you communicate how you feel, you will remember I was the one who taught you that.
Perhaps now you are either unable or unwilling to give me what I want, but for a while, you gave me everything that I’ve always wanted. You showed me a kind of love that I’d never known before. You were a true friend and a truly amazing partner. I’ve always and still do believe you are a good person. The coolest person I know. The kindest person I know. And I hope you’ll keep loving me, if perhaps not in the same way.
Til we meet again.
Your dearest friend,